Completion.

Today I lived the life of her, him, and you. Trying to fit into anothers foot prints is bewildering. Something about the way they think and look. Something about the way they maintain their composure is devastating. Most are taught to be the way of the world, to fit into a mold of the everyday 9 to 5, gym, kids, nanny, drinks, money, etc. They call it stable; I call it a nightmare.

I remember growing up and wanting to be a lawyer and a doctor when I grew up. The older I got the more it changed. But for most of my life my thoughts were the same. I thought at some point it would be cool to be a mortician but I think this was because of all the horror movies I watched with my family and friends. I am getting off my topic. At what point makes us break the mold? I was never told to be a certain way. My parents didn't pierce my ears at birth. I pierced my nose when I was 12. I pierced my ears at 15. Already you can tell I wasn't gonna be the average person.

Can you remember the first band you listened to that dramatically changed your life? I do. It was a toss up between Fugazi, Minor Threat, and the Descendents. I couldn't go back from there. I needed to know what made them write the songs they wrote, dressed the way they did, and why they had the thought process that they did. I didn't really know what normal was growing up but I know I didn't fit into that mold. I knew when I was 10, then thought about it at 15, and so on. I don't know where I fit these days but I am pretty happy with what I have conquered and what I am about to conquer. I am glad I don't see life the way as the average Joe does. I guess what I am saying I am proud of being me. As corny as that sounds. haha.

When we are sitting under the same moon do you think about what it would be like to live the life of someone else? Do you daydream to get yourself out of the pain that occurs in your life or do you take it head on? I try to live it head on. Yeah I took the wrong path here and there. But now I am strong enough to hold my head up high and if you are gonna beat me with a bat, throw stones at me, I will take it and throw them back.

Metabolize the pill you swallowed. I will no longer hold my breath on the other end of the phone, the conversation, the pain of your life. You play your game but I will not be your pawn anymore. It was a cold, hard pill to swallow but I get it now. Holding my breath on you is like waiting for rain in a draught. So you can hold you breath and think about what was and what could of been. I let my demons go and maybe you should too.

Obession.

Things to hide and nothing to offer. These scars tell no lies.. There's a story behind each but no trust to relinquish them. Scared of everything and nothing. Get close and she runs. A whirlwind of feelings and don't know how to take in each one. A hopeless romantic in a sense and a hard shell to crack to find that person. Three years left alone to grow and fell better. Finding that loneliness is somewhat of a friend and a foe. Growing comfortable with life and uneasy at the same time. Five steps forward and 3 steps back. A tug of war and I am my worst enemy. Strength in reason. I am the strongest they say they know but when the shell is cracked what is left? Maybe too afraid to see what lays below sea level.

Push. Push. Hush....

Spin cycle. Stop button. Wish for a second I would not push the stop button. So relaxed and free spirited but still trying to break down the wall of hesitation. Heart on sleeve. Cover blown. Coward down. Obsession. The pain is needed to write. Such a drug. I am the addict. Realizing I am causing my own pain and seeing something in someone that isn't there. Who's the new flavor of the week? How can I make myself like you only to make myself upset with you. Can't hold the hand of another till she releases the drug from her brain.